If I have not love, I am only a noisy gong or a clanging symbol.

Perhaps I am the only one who feels this way… but I’ve noticed a trend.
It’s about the pursuit of knowledge.

In school, we pursue degree after degree, knowledge and more knowledge. One more piece of paper to prove ourselves. And we lack practical hands-on skills. We can be all talk and no walk. Apprenticeship programs, co-ops, internships, now have gained popularity because Academia has come to the conclusion that head knowledge is not enough.

I’ve seen a similar trend amongst well-meaning young adult Christians who really take their faith seriously. We are quick to read more articles, watch more sermons online, write more blogs (as I do now!) be up-to-date on the most recent releases of Christian music, debate our views on gender roles, abortion, politics, theology. Really the subject hardly matters as long as we come across well versed in the area. I know I’m not the only one. I repent how quickly it can become about being the one with the right answer, and how quickly I can drain love out of the conversation. 

Gaining knowledge is not bad! It is good!

But – I repent how easily I can watch another fascinating sermon online and not pause to pray. How I can read another book on God, and not fast. I repent how easily I can learn all about God – but not be still in His presence each day. The one who teaches me to love.

If I have not love, I am only a noisy gong or a clanging symbol.
If I have not God, I am only a noisy gong or a clanging symbol.

God’s word says:

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. – 1 Corinthians 13:1

That makes me pause – I can so easily add to the noise.

It goes on to say in 1 Corinthians 13…

2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Do we really love?

Jesus, was the master teacher. The one under whom all the disciples did their apprenticeship. Where they learned to teach and love others not only with head knowledge but with their hearts as well.

Prayer

Jesus, I realize I lack the practical hands-on skills to love others well. I can so easily be awkward in a difficult conversation. Awkward in the heavy silence. Jesus, help me to be your apprentice. Jesus, I pray that I would remain close to you. Be in dialogue with you. Fast. Pray.

Teach me to love others more and talk less. Because God, You are Love. Give me that gut-aching love, that comes from knowing how perfectly and deeply you love the person in front of me. Teach me to be a vessel of Your love. Your truth. Your kindness. Your Love.

God’s word says:

Oh sing to the Lord a new song;
Sing to the Lord all the earth!
Sing to the Lord, bless his name;
Tell of his salvation from day to day.
Psalm 96:1-2

Sometimes it’s hard to feel God or hear God or know God is real.
Sometimes it’s our challenging circumstances. Sometimes it’s our comfort.
Sometimes it’s just the time of the month.
I’ve learned – That’s okay. We can still sing to the Lord and bless His name!

Pastor Sunder Krishnan wrote in his book (Loving God With All You’ve Got, 44):

When God commands us to sing it is not a test of our ability – it is a test of our love. Or, as Oswald Chambers said it much more beautifully, “The real issue is not whether you have a voice, but do you have a song?” The scripture says, “He put a new song in my mouth / a hymn of praise to our God” (Psalm 40:30)

I remind myself often “do you have a song?” – Do you have a reason to praise God? – And the answer is always YES. A Resounding YES.
I’ve learned that a thankful heart results in joy.

So Sing! Psalm 96 continues…

Declare his glory amongst the nations! His marvellous works to all the peoples!
For great is the Lord and greatly to be praised!

Today as we discussed the days of the weeks and the months of the year.. and that February ends on Thursday on the 28th. I asked my children what month comes next – “March!” they replied.

“And what very special day is coming up in March?” I added excitedly… Of course, the smart asian kid says “Saint Patrick’s Day!” – Sure Kid.
Then I ask, “What very special day for Ms. Naomi is coming up in March?” And another smart asian kid replied “Your Birthday?”

BUT GET THIS. Then I ask, and when is my Birthday? And that same smart asian kid remembers – and raises his hand again and says March 10th!

So Mindblown. I am so loved. When a five year old kid can remember the exact date of your birthday from last year from when he was four… that’s love.

Then I asked, “And how old am I going to be?” And another five year old kid remembers I am 25 and replies 26!

SO AMAZED. AND SO LOVED.

Now here’s where things get funny…

Last year I commented. “Wow. At 25 Ms. Anahita – my mom – was already married and had Ms. Naomi and Ms. Natasha in her tummy. Can ya’ll imagine Ms. Naomi having a baby in her tummy right now?!?!?!”
It sure gave the kids a good laugh 🙂
But then one little girl said last year, “So Ms. Naomi are you going to get married now?” And I replied “I guess so!”

THIS YEAR… I thought I’d humour the children again and dramatically told them: “WOW! At 26 Ms. Anahita – my mom – was already married! And had babies! So I guess I need to find a boyfriend – And get married! – And have babies!”

Then the sweetest five year old raised his hand and said in the most sweet, solemn way that a five year old can: “Don’t worry Ms. Naomi, it’s OKAY if you don’t get married this year.”

MY HEART MELTED.

Today I thank God for 2 degrees Celcisus weather. I thank God for the two hours in total I spent outside today. I thank God for how being outside in the fresh air has a way of clearing my head and renewing my spirit. 

This winter has been tough – mostly because I’ve had to stay indoors with my class of 32 preschool/Jk/Sk kids with no gym space to go to … And extra special Lego kits for indoor recess is only “a treat” for so long before it looses its charm.
Today we spent 45minutes outside in the morning and another hour and fifteen minutes in the afternoon. That’s a total of 2hours we spent outdoors today. 

In the morning we spotted a Cardinal and I yelled in excitement for the children to “come and see!” and the entire playground of children came running to stand underneath that tree and look up in wonder. And I had the joy of watching the children in wonder – in awe and wonder at their beautiful childlike wonder. 

Sure, am I ridiculously sore, especially after picking up so many kids bundled in their snow pants who’ve slipped on the icy snow – yes. Was it worth it – 100% 

For a while I’ve felt like I’ve been lacking faith.
You’ve probably felt that way too at some point in your life.
We probably all have.
It reassures me a little that I’m not alone.

And it’s really got me thinking, as I struggle to believe.
As I don’t “feel” like I “believe”.

As I shared this with my favourite pastor monday evening; he told me something I will never forget:

“Feelings are fleeting” – He told me, “Naomi, just the fact that you are coming and telling me this shows me your faith”. He told me “Faith is Action. Taking a step out. That’s faith.” It’s not about feeling belief – “we can’t drum ourselves up, to feel belief” – It’s about the actions we take in faith – cause feelings are fleeting. The prayers we pray regardless how we feel – that’s faith.

And for some reason, as soon as he said “take a step out” I thought of Peter on that boat.

Here’s how the story goes:

Matthew 14:22-33 ESV

Jesus Walks on the Water

22 Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. 23 And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24 but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. 25 And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. 26 But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. 27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”

28 And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” 32 And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33 And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Truth be told, for some reason, every time I’ve read this before, I’ve thought to myself – How did Peter have so little faith when Jesus was standing right there in front of him? And perhaps, if I’m to be honest, I even do a little “tsk tsk” at Peter in my head, and shake my head in disbelief.

Now, I read this exact same story with a fresh perspective!

While all the other disciples cried out it’s a ghost, PETER – was the ONLY one who took the courage to seek the Lord in their disbelief! He said, “Lord! IF it’s really you, tell me to come to you walking on the water.”

From their perspective, in the storm, Jesus looked like a ghost. Yet Peter, took courage. And obeyed Jesus’ call “Yes, come”.

Before we get to the part where Peter was terrified and began to sink… I want to dwell on the fact – that Peter – stepped out of that boat – that Peter – WALKED on WATER. We all have heard  that Jesus walked on water. In fact, the miracle is mentioned so often that people of every religion have heard that Jesus walked on water. But did you know that PETER WALKED ON WATER.

In fact, even in the moment that he became terrified, perhaps as he saw the strong wind and came to realize in disbelief that he, Peter, is walking on water – He continued to trust that Jesus is Lord. He cried out, “Save me, Lord!”

And while I’ve read this story so often and shook my head in disbelief at Peter’s lack of faith; I now read it with fresh perspective and marvel at his Faith – his Faith in Action – that he trusted Jesus, and stepped off that boat and actually walked on water at Jesus’ command, despite his only natural human disbelief in himself.

Jesus promised,

John 14:12-14 NLT

12 “I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. 13 You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. 14 Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!

Prayer

Father, I pray, that even when I don’t feel faith, that I would step out in obedience to Your call.
That I would Act in Faith, even when my feelings of disbelief are overwhelming.
That I may continue to trust that You are Lord and that doesn’t change.
God I realize, You are not asking me to believe in myself, in my limited faith.
You are asking me to trust in You – in Your never ending love.

My boys tend to get into arguments about some profound realities of their world these days… 

I missed the beginning of their conversation … But as I noticed them grow animated I drew closer and heard:

Child 1: NO! GOOGLE is always right!

Child 2: No, sometimes Google is wrong. [spoken matter of factly] 

Child 3: Sometimes, Google can’t predict what will happen. [Child 3 added gently] 

And they all paused to reflect on that. 

I stopped to reflect too! As adults, naturally, it’s a silly conversation we wouldn’t get into. 

But for the children, at their age. Any Knowledge they have is Truth in their eyes. And Google is often their answer: “Let’s check Google” 

And now, they must wrestle with their understandings of knowledge, truth and trust. At an age where they trust innocently, wholeheartedly, completely. 

I’m glad my boys are having these conversations and learning “critical thinking” long before they understand those two words. And thankful that they have more empathy than most adults, to actually listen to each other and contribute their ideas. 

Love my little men. 

Today, on a day I felt ugly, both physically and emotionally, I read a book to my class titled “Beautiful” – it was a very simple book aimed at teaching children about their inner beauty. After reading it, I asked the children “what was your favourite part?” and then I asked them “what is the book trying to teach us?” … only one child was able to articulate what the book was trying to teach us. He said, “It’s about, who we are”. Only one kid really understood. I really wanted to get through to my five year old girls… so I put the book down and I pointed to my face and said “Is Ms Naomi wearing make-up?” The children replied as a class “nooo!” Then I followed that question with “Is Ms Naomi beautiful?” and the children replied “YESSSSS!”

They understood.

It was that simple. I thank God how he uses me in the days I feel least beautiful.

And I thank God for my class who blessed my heart today. (Although, I knew they’d say YES, it was still so sweet hearing it from them.) Watching their faces shine bright with smiles as they yelled YES, and watching their lightbulbs turn on as they understood this at their age. It was beautiful.

I’ve struggled for a while now, whenever we pray to ‘seek God’s face’ as we seek his will. Or when we talk about when we will see God face to face. I struggle to understand what that means. What does that look like. How do I pray and seek God’s face, or how do I look forward to a day when I will see Him face to face. Quite honestly, I am overwhelmed by the thought of His majesty, His glory, my smallness.

In my classroom, I have one little 3 yr old who is developmentally delayed in every area, especially in his speech. Everyday, without fail, during activity time, this little guy, will seek me out. Often, there’s a buzz of children around me wanting my attention, and this little guy when he comes to me, rather than talking at me like the rest of the children, he will look at me intently, and wait till I notice that he’s there. He will wait on me to catch his eye. And when I do, His eyes and cheeks widen with the biggest smile. That’s all he seeks, is for me to see him – and in the moment that I do – this little guy is overwhelmed by my love for him. … and I am overwhelmed by his love for me. This happens everyday. Truth be told, I think I love that little guy more than the rest of them.

That’s when I remembered that the bible says, God is love. I wonder, if, just as my heart brims over for little guy when he seeks me, God’s heart does the same when I seek Him. He who created relationship, He who Himself is relationship, in the trinity of Father, Son and Spirit. He calls us to be in relationship with Him. And when I remember that I am seeking a relationship with Him, God, Love, Himself, I start to grasp at what it means to seek His face, to know the joy of His love.

For when we seek His face, we are seeking, Love, Himself. And that is not scary, or too far.
By the grace of His salvation, we find ourselves in a relationship with love Himself, with Jesus. The one who first loved us. And when that day comes when we will see Him face to face, I think our hearts will brim with such love and joy, we won’t be able to contain it.

Prayer

Just like little guy seeks my face, I pray Lord that I would seek Your face. With expectation, with love, with joy. To know that You love me – may that fill my heart to the brim day after day after day. And may I seek You day after day, to love You, and rest in the assurance of Your love.

I truly believe God created Christian women uniquely – beautifully – in His image. To be His hands to hold, to be His hugs; to express His warmth, care, sacrifice and devotion. Love Itself. To share His heart through quiet gentle, but powerful steadfast prayer. The women who have come and gone in my life have been a testimony to His love, vessels of His Spirit. Truly His Spirit tenderly tangibly reaching me through them. I have had the incredible privilege to be on the receiving end of such tender love time and time and time again. I have been blessed beyond measure.

Prayer

God I am in awe, of the love I have received. I think back to my high school days, to Evelyn, who taught me to play Blessed Be Your Name on the piano with such patience, to Melinda, who spent every lunch of her last semester of high school to disciple me. I think of my days in night school at Seneca, I think of those joy filled, prayerful, older ladies, – African, Russian, Philippine, – Karen, Bernie, Rosia, Arlene – from such different cultures, and churches, but exactly the same in their loving spirit in Christ. They taught me hope and trust through their prayers. They showed me joy in their living. I think of Mabel aunty or “Mama Mak”, Evelyn’s mom, whose hands were there to hold in prayer, and hugs abundant. I think of Pat – the bookeeper at UAC at the time – who long before I formally was able to go to church, would always take 10 minutes aside, to pray with me whenever I’d drop in. How precious those ten minutes were to me. I think of Marg, my old next door neighbour – who much like a grandmother – is either irritated or delighted by me whenever she sees me after too long at MMC! Reminding me, how loved I am. I think of Jenn, who cheers me on my adventures, and encourages me like a friend. I think of 90+ year old Jean who invites me into her home – God how did I get so blessed, to be blessed by the wisdom, prayer, and love of such an incredible lady. I think of Phebe aunty, who understands my culture, and loves me like another child, blessing me. Lord I thank you for all the elder women, including those not listed here, who have touched my life, and been a vessel of Your Spirit. I think of the many sisters in Christ I’ve met over these years who have held my hands and prayed. I think of those who have cried with me. Rejoiced with me. Of those who have rested in silence and awe and wonder with me at the greatness of your love. I think of the many times I’ve thought upon your stars in the sky, so vast and beautiful, and meditated on how your thoughts for us outnumber the grains of sand.

God I have been poured into with so much love from the women around me, once strangers, with love that comes from You. I realize that is why my cup overflows with such joy and love, because of Your touch. Father I pray, that I too, as a women made in Your image, by Your loving hands, can be a vessel of Your incredible love. That I may bless others as you have blessed me, that they may taste Your love.