I’m exhausted, but so happy.
Quarantine has kept me in vacation mode, one too many months. From March to September, it’ll have been 6 months without children in my life.
The last couple months at home… I’m never hungry and I’m never tired. Yet somehow, I’m always hungry and I’m always tired. There’s days I forget to eat till 4pm, since I’m just not hungry. There’s days I can’t sleep till 4am, since I’m just not tired. I have no opportunity to use up the energy in my body.
The last two days, I’ve been working. And tonight, I found myself hungry and tired.
Exhausted, but so happy.
I was given the opportunity to do a two day gig, at the Montessori training institute I took the course from almost a decade ago! My role was simple, I played the role of a child, in over 125 mini video lessons. As I ‘learned’ as a child, one activity after the next. I learned my phonetic sounds, and how to understand verbs “action words”, and I walked fancily (oh! and adverbs!) around the classroom! I learned my colours, and I learned ‘sharing’, you probably call it division! I learned to write in cursive, and the concept that “0, truly, means nothing!” I learned to build words, short phonetic, long phonetic, and even words with digraphs! I learned my triangles, and how to find right angles. I learned to read sentences, silently, “with my eyes” and then to act them out. I learned length and breadth and height. I learned to play bank! I even learned that ‘taxes’ is a word I’ll understand when I’m older. I learned to tuck in my chair, every, single, time.
Doesn’t sound difficult to be a child, does it? I have endless energy it seems! The past two days as I acted out ‘the child’ in over 125 lessons… I must have easily done 200 squats… mm.. no maybe 300. I got up and down of the floor, more times then I can count!
Today, I took a shower, and lay in bed, and realized, every part of my body ached. Especially my back and my legs. I realized I was exhausted, and I smiled thinking of all those squats, and this incredibly all too familiar feeling. As I remembered back to the ‘good old days’ when I WORKED with children and felt almost this exhausted every day.
You see, most people know me as a bundle of energy. My friends, the folks at church, my children and colleagues at work. … Most people, don’t know, that every day, after I come home from work, I have a truly sacred ritual. I take a shower, and then lay on my bed till the exhaustion finally drains from my bones. Till my muscles relax and the pain in my back is relieved from another day of work. And only then, do I get up and go about the rest of the evening. If, I get up!
I have a very minimal amount of scoliosis in my back. Since it’s so slight, it wouldn’t have made any difference in my life, if it wasn’t for the fact that I also have an incredibly petite frame and that I work with kids! Ya’ll will never understand the exhaustion and energy needed to work with kids, unless you have a herd of your own hanging off of you!
Today, as I acted out ‘the child’ … I remembered child after child from my classroom, and took inspiration from their many antics! Reminiscing on each memory.
Today, I am exceedingly happy to be exhausted. Happy to feel hunger and thirst. Happy to feel tired. Happy to have exhaustion from work!
It’s hard to explain!
But I do know, I’ll be going back to work in September. And I do know, my sacred daily ritual will soon start up again! As I handle the exhaustion/pain daily.
But now, I will be grateful in it. And I will be happy. I will be grateful for work. For the laughter and joy I experience with children each day. I will be grateful for the purpose and meaning that touching the lives of children brings. I will be grateful.
I am grateful. I am happy. And Blessed, beyond measure.