“You’re GORGEOUS!” says one of my best friends, time and again. I love that about her. I’ve gained weight this past year. Gaining weight has been something I’ve personally celebrated – I love my new curves. They’re especially nice to have to have babies – sleep on my chest, or hang off my hips. I’m working with toddlers this summer, and these curves will definitely come in handy!
But a couple weeks ago, I realized that I no longer fit in the majority of my nice dresses. The nice ones that I put on a hanger. The ones I save for special occasions. The ones that make me feel preeeeeetty. Just don’t fit.
I’ve never been in this place before. There used to be a time I couldn’t shop in most stores because I used to be too tiny – I used to be insecure about being too tiny. I used to be a 00 (yes a double zero) or an XXS. I haven’t been that small for a couple years – but I never saw this day coming – where I would feel insecure about being unable to zip up my dresses. It’s a bit of a shock to me. I’ve been opening up about my body insecurity with my dear friend – reminding myself – that really – I do love my body. That really this past winter I’ve celebrated gaining some weight.
I’ve discovered body insecurity is real, no matter what size you are. What hair type you have. The condition of your skin. Doesn’t matter what you look like – body insecurity is real. I’m thankful I’ve grown older and for the most part, have grown to accept and love my body. My friends and I, we rarely talk about clothes or hair or make up or weight. But this particular friend has been sensitive to the body insecurity I’ve recently found I have again. So the other day she told me:
“Arn’t you glad we’re ugly?” And I LOVE THAT about her.
Lemme unpack that.
We’ve gone from being insecure little girls, to grown women, who don’t care too much, about our clothes or hair or make-up. Don’t get me wrong – we do care. We care to show ourselves some love and self-care. But, overall, we don’t really care. We’re truly happy with who we are.
“Arn’t you glad we’re ugly?” Is her way of reminding me of the women we’ve become – Arn’t you glad – We don’t care about societies view of beauty. We’re beautiful inside. Beautiful outside. Beautiful even when we don’t feel beautiful. Beautiful cause we have beautiful fun-loving personalities that make us attractive. “Arn’t you glad we’re ugly?” – She had me grinning ear to ear.
Today… was just one of those days, I felt ugly. I’m gonna blame it on mood swings. But then. I caught myself in the mirror as I walked by – Blue Jeans, a black & white stripped t-shirt, my go-to sweater, no make-up, my almost unibrow at this point and my gorgeous natural curls in a crazy mess from sleeping on the couch – only making them all the more gorgeous. And I caught myself looking at me – Beautiful me. God created me. And gosh-darn-it I’m GORGEOUS.